A lot of
people have a tendency to mistake romance for love itself. They mistake romance
for love and respect. They mistake romance for a healthy, thriving
relationship. When actually, some of the things that maximize romance are
completely unhealthy and toxic.
People tend
to overestimate their romantic relationships and underestimate their
friendships.
Here’s my views
on this topic:
Love
- Depth and
Stability: Love is
often seen as a deep, enduring affection that grows over time. It is stable and
reliable, providing a sense of security and comfort.
- Commitment: Love involves a commitment to
someone, sticking by them through thick and thin. It is about building a life
together and supporting each other’s growth.
- Understanding
and Acceptance: Love
means understanding and accepting someone’s flaws and strengths. It’s about
seeing the whole person and loving them despite their imperfections.
- Care and
Compassion: Love is
nurturing. It’s about being there for someone, caring for their well-being, and
wanting the best for them.
Passion
- Intensity and Excitement: Passion is characterized by intense feelings and a burning desire. It’s the excitement that often accompanies the early stages of a relationship.
- Physical Attraction: Passion is heavily driven by physical attraction and chemistry. It’s the spark that ignites when two people connect on a physical level.
- Emotional
Highs and Lows:
Passion can bring about extreme emotions—both highs and lows. It can be
exhilarating but also tumultuous.
- Short-Term
and Immediate:
Passion is often immediate and can be fleeting. It may burn brightly but
doesn’t always last.
Love and
Passion Together
- Balanced
Relationships: The
healthiest relationships often have a balance of love and passion. Love
provides the foundation, while passion adds excitement and keeps things lively.
- Evolving
Dynamics: Over time,
relationships can shift from being passion-driven to being love-driven. This is
a natural progression as partners grow more comfortable and familiar with each
other.
- Challenges
and Growth:
Balancing love and passion can be challenging. Passion might wane, but love can
deepen, leading to a more profound connection.
Potential
Pitfalls
- Mistaking
Passion for Love:
It’s easy to mistake intense passion for love, especially in the early stages
of a relationship. Passion can fade, leaving one to question the depth of their
connection.
- Neglecting
Passion: Long-term
relationships can sometimes lose their passion, which can lead to feelings of
dissatisfaction. It’s important to keep the spark alive through effort and
creativity.
- Dependency
on Passion: Relying
solely on passion can lead to instability. Without the grounding force of love,
relationships based only on passion can be volatile and short-lived.
Danie and I have
been married for thirty-eight years this December. We met on a blind date,
instantly fell in love and got engaged and married within a year. We were both
virgins when we met and still very young. I was almost nineteen years old and Danie was
almost twenty-one. Both our fathers had to give consent on our marriage certificate.
And this is where our amazing journey began; young, inexperienced, naïve but so
in love.
Romance is on
auto-drive when you’re in love, and especially young, but as you grow and
mature you learn to know each other and find depth in the relationship. Romance
is always there, but it mellows slightly and allows for friendship to grow too.
I was twenty
when our daughter was born and twenty-three when our son arrived. This is a
whole new ball game and a real test on your relationship and special times. Now
romance becomes a planned event and the kitchen table, couch and bathroom are
no longer spaces for expressing passion. Things become more hushed and
babysitting is a very obvious arrangement. And who has not had the embarrassment
of a child barging in on them during a very compromising moment? Despite the
changes that occur once the children arrive, romance is still special and even
more so now that you have to plan and look forward to it.
Having teens
in the house is a romantic challenge. Teenagers come with their set of new
unchartered territories and often limit intimacy between partners. Now it’s a
planned weekend away to get that romantic piece of cake. And to top it all,
they know ….
If you want
to hear about a hilarious romance challenge, listen to this one. While we were
still living through our religious period and doing evangelical work, we travelled
all over South Africa and lived in our mobile home (aka a caravan). Everything we
then owned was packed inside it and privacy was virtually non-existent.
We had a
relatively large caravan with the children’s beds on the one side and our
double bed on the other side. A flimsy, paper-thin, concertina-type door was
all that separated our “bedroom” from the rest of our living space. One evening,
after the children had been asleep for a while, Danie and I found ourselves in
a moment of passion, however, with limited movement and sound. Despite our
utmost efforts to be as discreet as possible, my six-year-old daughter piped up
at breakfast the next morning: “Mamma, why was the caravan rocking last night?”
Unfortunately, I’m a blusher and easily embarrassed and my face turned blood
red. A dead give-away.
Relationships,
romance, friendships, partnerships, love. Yes, love is a word that encompasses
many aspects and is part and parcel of all of the other deals. If you separate
love from any of these, it’s not grounded and permanent. It becomes a
superficial experience and easy to give up on and walk away from.
What the
young married couples of today don’t understand, and that is why it’s so easy
to break up or get divorced, is that time brings understanding and
comprehension. You learn to love your spouse or partner despite their flaws, temperamental
characteristics and occasional outbursts. You learn to look past issues and
then, when tempers and frustrations have cooled down, to work through them
together and find a better way to deal with it. Communication is key to any
relationship whether it be in business or on a personal level. The only thing
that is not okay is abuse, whether it be physical, verbal or emotional, it’s
not on. Life is way too short to be trapped in an abusive relationship for an
extended period of time, especially where children are also involved. There is
no excuse for abuse, none!
What we need
in our relationships are coping mechanisms for trying circumstances. Taking a
walk, exercising, listening to music, playing an instrument, reading a book, meditating,
going for a massage or talking to someone who is a good listener. We all need a
little time-out, no matter how good a relationship is. A time to reflect,
re-energize, relax.
Time flies
by, and before you know it, you’ve been married for thirty-eight years, or
fifty years or sixty years. It often happens, that when one spouse dies after
so many years of marriage, the other spouse dies shortly after. They have lost
their lifeline, their connection, their bond.
To sum it
all up, both love and passion are important in relationships. Love provides the
steady ground on which to build a life together, while passion adds color and
excitement to that life. Understanding the differences and nurturing both can
lead to a more fulfilling and enduring relationship.
So, give your
relationships your best effort and keep the communication channels open.
Live your life
with love AND passion.
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