I would like to share my thoughts with you regarding an issue that I am personally battling with - Self Advocacy - and I'm sure many of you can relate.
Self advocacy is an essential skill, but it’s not always easy—especially for those of us who naturally avoid confrontation or tend to internalize feelings.
Having a timid personality is not bad, but it can be inadequate when it comes to business, especially when you're in a position of authority.
Feeling undermined or overlooked, especially in a situation where you're the decision-maker, is a dynamic that can be so frustrating (particularly when it's your own business on the line), creating a sense of vulnerability. Many business owners and leaders face the same internal struggle of standing up for themselves without wanting to be confrontational.
My situation started out as a general marketing meeting, which I expected to be casual yet important, but ended up with me experiencing many conflicting emotions (mostly negative), which I then had to manage in real time. I felt as if my opinion was not being heard and that a positive business decision I had made was being questioned and severely criticized.
For me, speaking up is not something that comes naturally. Instead, I rather keep quiet and that leads to me keeping all my negative emotions bottled up, which in turn creates even more tension. What I now realize is that I need to find ways in which to assert myself, even if it makes me uncomfortable.
Learning how to speak up will probably feel out of character at first, but starting with smaller, low-stake situations will help prepare me for and build confidence for bigger ones. I need to learn to express myself confidently while maintaining my authenticity. Here are a few practical steps which I am going to put into practice and which I hope will help you too:
Understanding My Own Voice: Start by recognizing that self-advocacy isn’t about being aggressive or confrontational; it’s about confidently standing behind my ideas and decisions. Acknowledge that it’s okay to feel unsure sometimes but that doesn’t diminish the value of my perspective.
Reframing Conflict: Many people (like myself) avoid confrontation because it feels uncomfortable or negative. One lesson could be shifting my mindset around conflict. Instead of seeing disagreement as something hostile, view it as an opportunity for growth and clarification. Reframing conflict in this way will help me stay calm and constructive, even in tense moments.
The Power of Preparation: Another key lesson is that preparation can make all the difference when advocating for myself. Knowing my stuff, being clear about why I've made a particular decision, and being ready to explain it logically can give me the confidence to stand my ground. If I go into meetings prepared to defend my decisions, it may help reduce feelings of being “reprimanded.” This applies to people in all walks of life—not just business—when they're preparing for tough conversations.
Practicing Assertiveness: Assertiveness is not aggression. It’s about clear communication. I will explore how I'm learning to express my feelings and decisions clearly without being defensive or apologetic. Maybe this means rehearsing how I’ll respond to pushback or politely disagree with someone. It’s about finding the middle ground between being passive and overly aggressive, which is a delicate balance but powerful when mastered.
Learning to Say “No” (or “Yes, but…”): A key part of self-advocacy is setting boundaries and being okay with not always agreeing with others. For instance, in my meeting, even though my colleagues disagreed with me, I might have said, “I hear your concerns, but here’s why I still feel this decision is right.” That type of assertiveness will show that I'm open to input but not easily swayed from my core vision.
Seeking Allies: Sometimes self-advocacy isn't about standing alone but finding support when needed. Over time, I will seek out people whose opinions I trust, but who also respect my leadership and vision. I can also build a network of people who reinforce their confidence, whether that’s in business or life decisions.
Reflecting Without Doubting: After a challenging conversation or meeting, it’s easy to second-guess myself. Another important lesson is learning to reflect on these situations without doubting my worth or instincts. Instead of replaying the interaction in a negative loop, I can ask, “What could I have done differently to feel heard?” This is a tool that can help to shift from self-criticism to self-improvement.
Celebrating Small Wins: Even small moments of self-advocacy deserve recognition. Over time, the more I stand up for my ideas or assert my feelings, the more natural it becomes. I can celebrate when I've spoken up, no matter how small the moment may seem. This reinforces the habit and builds confidence.
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